Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Lack of therapist.

Is it possible to miss one's therapist? I do. I miss her so much. I stopped going more than six months ago, and it still seems so odd to me not to be in therapy. We both decided I didn't need to do anymore "work" unless I wanted to go back for additional EMDR. Right now, I don't need that.

It's still weird--life after therapy, that is. Of course, challenges still arise, but none that have had me reaching for my phone to call my therapist and beg for an appointment. How's that possible? I suppose I have healed. Maybe not completely, but for now, I can function so much better than I used to.

When I was sick for about a decade, and twice quite acutely for about a month during each break, I couldn't imagine the next moment let alone life after therapy. All I wanted was life without anxiety. But I guess because I no longer want that, it shows that maturity.

I mean, at some point, I was hoping to get well. That's why I spent all that money on therapy. I guess it's just odd when it finally happens. When you realize that you're stronger and healthier. It doesn't mean you'll never need therapy again, but it means you're better equipped to deal with life on your own.

And I am, and that's cool. I just really miss her. How could I not? She was with me for more than a decade, holding my hand...holding my heart.

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