Monday, November 10, 2014

Autumn walks.

I'm into long walks lately. Mindful meditation types of walks where it's not really about fitness--though, it counts, right?--but it's more about recentering.

Today I was completely frustrated. I wonder sometimes how I go from an overflow of work to feeling like opportunities are drying up left and right. I mean, I believe that whole "one door closes, another opens" thing. It's just hard to accept it when a door closes--or when a few do at a time. That is what derails me, mentally.

Money, and fearing I won't have enough of it, has always been a fear. I grew up in a cash-strapped house.With one parent that worked her tail off, and another who didn't care to lift a finger. So money is always on my brain, especially because I am self-employed.

I work myself up every few months when projects stop flowing in. It's worse when I don't have too much money coming in; otherwise, it's not so bad. Then I try try try to drum up new opportunities and get frustrated when they don't pan out immediately. It's a vicious cycle--one I'm working on breaking.

That's where the walks come in. The walks, oh the glorious walks.

When every part of me wants to scream, "Nail your butt to your desk chair and keep working!" I take off. Today I worked all day and then took off for an hour to the reservoir--it's 1.6 miles around and I went twice. There was much to ponder, a lot of Il Volo and For King & Country to listen to along the way, and a lot of peace that came from it all.

Sometimes, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going...even if you're only going in circles. The time to wander, to process, to all recenters me. It helps me plot my next steps, which definitely are leading to wonderful places.


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