Thursday, May 15, 2014

Sending up my own self-care red flag.



Why do we never take care of ourselves until we’re on the verge of a breakdown? I know, I know. If I was practicing yoga and making time for “me” things, I may not have gotten this bad. But I’m feeling stressed. So stressed that I’m impatient and probably shouldn’t be driving. (Hey, there are some real asshats on the roads here in NJ…I can’t help it if I make gestures at them when they won't drive correctly!) In reality, though, that's not the person I want to be. I'm so stressed and I clearly see that I'm not the person I want to be when I'm like that.
I’ve been working for weeks on my basement. Making an unfinished basement a more finished-yet-unfinished space. I really want it to be a nice place for my husband, and I like painting and doing that kind of stuff. But compound it with other stressors such as piles of yardwork, a birthday party to coordinate, a mom to transport, family obligations, and a job (as well as a broken vacuum), and now I’m kind of a mess. Well, not a full mess, but I’m feeling my stress levels boil over.
Sometimes, I can’t tell the signals for when I need to slow down. I like renovating my house and taking care of my lawn. I’m pleased with the painstaking detail I’ve put into my husband’s 40th birthday invites. Yet these things stress me at the same time.
It’s easy to know you’re truly relaxing when you’re reading or doing yoga I suppose. When you’re doing something that you like, even though you like them, they’re still work. And too much of anything, no matter how much we like it (or too tight a deadline) spells disaster for an anxious, neurotic girl like me.
Breathe and reboot. I won’t do that by painting a concrete floor, but I will make some time to unwind. I swear.

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